How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize