are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
