I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My balls are so social today.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
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