he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
