Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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