Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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