im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
