Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
