Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
