i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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