Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
