so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
