Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
