I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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