ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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