dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize