Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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