Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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