***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
