All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
