Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
