holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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