yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
