The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
