I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
