just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
