Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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