Umm I'm too high to move.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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