dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
