I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
