I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
