I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
