if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
tell me about the eggs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
