my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
