Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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