i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
