could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
