she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
