clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
