It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
