You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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