so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
