Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
