I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
