guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
