Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
