Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
