first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
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