Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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