i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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