i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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