are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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