I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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