The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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