I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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