Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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