He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
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He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
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I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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