...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
