Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
