I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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