Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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