anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
