I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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