I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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