I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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