I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
