If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
