I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Randomize
