we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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