Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
