yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
