At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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