I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
