my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
