it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
