this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
