I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
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Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
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Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize