theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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