Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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