Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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