I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
