I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
