OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My pussy is not your playground.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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