high people should be assigned attendants
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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