they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
