Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it's like iHOP with fire
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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