non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
